The Art of Revenge #214

The proper use of a hair removal creams.

It was a bad day yesterday. Kept me up a good deal of the night, stressing about going back to school today, and especially having to be in the locker room and showers with the Varsity Football Team. Evan (my best friend and protector) became ill yesterday and went home early with what turned out to be food poisoning.

That means Gym class goes from unbearable to literal hell. Fine.

High School is going to end in May, once and for all, and I have to start making a stand sooner or later. I did, of course, prefer later–but that’s life. These jocks are like a swarm of nasty bees, the ring leader Robby has had a habit for the past four years of jabbing my thighs with a thumb tack whenever he walks by me.

Needless to say, these demons of the sports underworld need to have a wake up call.

Hence my late night trip to Walgreens.

For a mere $7.49 I was able to purchase a dose of satisfaction. Nair. One of the few lovely four letter words. It’s a hair removal cream, which I’m sure all you ladies know of and the guys appreciate you using. It’s cheap, it works fast and the effects don’t last. All the perfect features I was looking for.

Here is one of it’s applications:

• Part A: Fake a serious case of diarrhea during gym class and beg your teacher for permission to run to the showers before you “blow in your shorts”.
• Part B: Make sure you are alone, or at least cannot be seen near the jock lockers.
• Part C: Do a body-lift on the locker. The ones we have at our school are so old, if you grab the padlock and lean onto the locker handle with your shoulder as you lift, the locker will open…unless you have one of the thicker locks. Luckily the jocks think they’re too cool or feared to be messed with, so they use ordinary locks. Ooopsie…
• Part D: Unscrew lids to shampoo bottles and liberally insert Nair into each bottle, replace lid and shake well.
• Part E: Watch and enjoy.

The weenies got back from class and took their showers, each using the shampoo with a portion of Nair in it. I only have the Robby and his buddy in my history class. Nothing seemed to happen until about 25 minutes or so later, when Robby’s buddy started combing his hair during class…and the hair came out with the comb in clumps.

It was awesome! The big guy screamed like a girl as the rest of the class got great laugh, including Robby. That is, until he smiled at Jenny (his girlfriend) and ran his fingers through his own hair!

Oh, today was a good day…and proof that with a little patience and creativity, even the geeks can have a good day in High School. =)

Warnings (so I can feel like a responsible person and sleep tonight…)

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Not For Use On Face.

Do Not Use if you have experienced an adverse reaction to hair removal lotion or cream in the past. Irritation or allergic reaction may occur with some people even after prior use without adverse effect. Therefore, test before each use by applying product to a small  part of the area where hair is to be removed. Follow directions and wait 24 hours. If skin appears normal, proceed with full application. Do Not Use on irritated, sunburned, inflamed, or broken skin. Keep away from eyes. Should product touch the eyes, wash thoroughly with lukewarm water. If irritation persists consult your physician. Product can be used on arms, underarms, legs, and bikini area. Do not use on face, around eyes, in nose, in ears, on breast nipples, perianal or vaginal/ genital areas. Keep Out Of Reach Of Children.
Contains Alkali.

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