Hi there! My name is Ashlee, and I'm here to tell you about the new friend you WON'T be able to live without!

 
mr-bobo-closeup2.jpg
  Here at Ashlee's Awesome Ideas™, our scientists have been working around the clock with our advanced staff of unjustly retired cosmetic technicians to bring you the latest innovation...because we want to make your life better than BEST!   ...and oh snuggles, have we've come up with a nipple twister for you!*  

Mr. Bobo™ is the ULTIMATE beast of burden for those ON THE GO!

 

About Mr. Bobo™

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The Mr. Bobo™ motto is the Vallen phrase “ez az őrült boszorkány nem fizet elég” (you're far too important to carry everything, let me help)—an apt description of this small but muscular hound we've cross-bred for our own selfish purposes.   Pups come in three distinct colors:
  • blue
• apricot-fawn with a blue face mask
• or all black
  ...but were are working on genetic options to include green, purple and our greatest request: PINK HOUNDSTOOTH.   Our customers love the large round head, the big, sparkling eyes, and the wrinkled brow Mr. Bobo™ sports. We love it too--as it gives Mr. Bobo™ a range of gnome-like expressions.   THINK ABOUT IT: now you can impress your friends with looks of surprise, happiness, and curiosity—which delight every owner (especially when they have no one else to talk to).
 

Advanced Gene Splicing for The Rich

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We may be motivated by money, but we still think Mr. Bobo™ is the ideal housedog because each and every pup is handpicked to ensure 100% owner compliance!   He's genetically groomed to make sure he's always happy, whether carrying your priceless and unbelievably heavy wares in the deep city or running with you from those scary criminal elements in the depths of District 12.   We also spared no expense1 to make sure Mr. Bobo™ responds adorably around kids or with the slow, stinky, "elderly" gnomes some keep around for some reason.   Mr. Bobo™ is no ordinary pet dressed in a patent-pending GearGrabber™ pack to carry up to (but not to exceed) 51lbs of your precious personals.   OhhhHHHH NO!   EVERY pup loves their food (regardless of the garbage you feed them)!!   How is that POSSIBLE, Ashlee?   Because we've gene-spliced the little bundle of joy with our local industrial hogs to enhance their immune system and digestion process so they can survive on virtually anything2. In addition, Mr. Bobo™ never sheds or requires trimming, so save that money for your OWN pedicure ladies!   Lastly, Mr. Bobo™ does best in moderate climates—not too hot or too cold—but, with proper care (OR our patent-pending Rectal Cooling Coil™), Mr. Bobo™ can be their adorable selves anywhere.

OFFICIAL Mr. Bobo SPECS

The following is included with every handpicked pup, guaranteed to be the best possible companion for socially-awkward owners.
Mr.Bobo-side-view.jpg

C.C.K. Breed Popularity:

Ranks 52 of 322  

Height:

10-13 inches  

Weight:

14-18 pounds  

Life Expectancy:

13-15 years  

Life Expectancy using S.N.O.B.Y.™ chip:

*see footnote #3  

100% Genuine Leather P.A.C.

(Perfectly Aligned Carrier)
Our triple reinforced Mr. Bobo™ body-P.A.C. provides you with enough pockets and foldable platforms to load Mr. Bobo™ with up to 51lbs of material. Don't worry about him--he's been genetically modified not to complain...AND we increased his bone density to support that load!  

MASTER COMMANDS

(also included with every Mr. Bobo™)
• Come
• Sit
• Follow
• Fetch
• Eat
• Bite! (attack)
• Potty! (pee/poo-poo)
• Get Help!
For custom commands and professional training of your Mr. Bobo™ outside our packages, we recommend PREMIUMPUPPYTRANING.COM

Wait, there's MORE!!

As we ALL know, pet laws can be a bit strict due to overpopulation:
Hound owners not specifically licensed for 'animal display and public interaction' are forbidden to take any domestic animal into a public venue. An automatic fine of 600 credits and up to 45 days in district containment will be enforced.
— Clockworks City Code [641B-Section 2246, paragraph 12, subsection 32
  Well, GUESS WHAT!?!   Because your business is SO important to us, we have a super-duper offer, just for our ELITE clientele!  
Oh Ashlee, TELL ME MOOORE!!
OBSCENELY RICH BONUS

As we said before--we want to make your life better than BEST, so we took an extra large portion of the profits from our last technically-legal-venture and bought off EVERY politician and legal justice in advance SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!   For an extra 60,000 credits, your Mr. Bobo™ will be upgraded to our Mr. Bobo Posh™, equipped with our patent pending S.N.O.B.Y.™ chip. "So No One Bothers You" is the best money can buy! Once activated, Mr. Bobo Posh™ will be welcomed anywhere YOU are, without a second glance.   Oh, don't worry about the microwave given off by our cutting edge biotechnology. Our S.N.O.B.Y.™ chip was developed in-house by Ms. Bunny Gearcranker, who guarantees us that Mr. Bobo Posh™ only has a maximum 4% chance of premature heart failure3.
ASHLEE'S AWESOME IDEAS LLC
624N Ringtone Heights, 44th Floor
Suite 803, DISTRICT 4
7B-441-333-809217 EXT.444

All sales are final.
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1 ASHLEE'S AWESOME IDEAS LLC reserves the right to use any and all funds for the express (but not limited to) purpose of new shoes, designer jeans, summer condos, endless bar tabs, makeup, online dating services and those really yummy Beans & Brew™ Mr. B coffee drinks when she's having a really bad day.
2 ASHLEE'S AWESOME IDEAS LLC recommends that owners do NOT feed Mr. Bobo™discarded environmental waste or excessive meat, as tests have found Mr. Bobo™ to quickly develop an insatiable appetite for flesh. Should you find your animal struggling to resist consuming large amounts of meat, confine Mr. Bobo™ and call our trainer hotline immediately (and we strongly suggest keeping any small children in another room).
3 Extensive somewhat independent tests have confirmed in almost some cases that the use of our patent-pending S.N.O.B.Y.™ chip caused premature heart failure in 4% of subjects. Other side effects may include drowsiness, high-sensitivity to light, sound, smell, general moving, explosive bowel syndrome, and an overall pissy mood. However, this was only discovered in 4% of test subjects...so you should be alright.
 

LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

ASHLEE'S AWESOME IDEAS LLC acknowledges and deeply apologizes for any distress and hurt feelings created by the crude and thoughtless phrase in the opening statements of this advertisement. Where it says "...and oh snuggles, have we've come up with a nipple twister for you!" the original script written for this page stated emphatically, "...and oh snuggles, have we've come up with a nifty mister for you!"   Our legal department was prompt in looking into this issue and we have made multiple requests for this vulgar and offensive statement to be changed. Unfortunately, the independent programming staff hired to do the job has locked ASHLEE'S AWESOME IDEAS LLC out of this page, preventing further corrections to be made. Our in-house staff was able to hack into the site and place this statement before being booted from the server.   Again, we apologize for this malicious act on the part of the independent programmers who have gone rogue without our knowledge and are beyond our current control. We are in the process of taking legal action against the guilty parties. If you would like to file a legal complaint, please contact: Stilence, Mish, Trition & Mise

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AshWolf Forever
Ashleigh D.J. Cutler
3 Jul, 2019 22:19

HAHAHAH! That was priceless. Very good job sire. *claps*

3 Jul, 2019 22:33

I aim to please.

JAIME BUCKLEY
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3 Jul, 2019 22:20

What happens to all the Ms. Bobos? Love the idea that people in this world need a license for "animal display and public interaction." A+

3 Jul, 2019 22:44

Well, you have to have rules in a confined single city with 1.5 BILLION gnomes in it.

JAIME BUCKLEY
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Journeyman TheDumbOwl
Alex (TheDumbOwl)
3 Jul, 2019 22:33

WHERE DO I SEND MY GOLD? IS THE WHOLE POUCH ENOUGH? I NEED THEM ALL   This absolutely cracked me up. Wonderful article!

4 Jul, 2019 05:31

If you don't have enough, I heard through the grapevine that Ashlee's willing to take payments.   Glad you liked it!

JAIME BUCKLEY
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4 Jul, 2019 01:23

Left abit speechless by the usage of a pug as an article......the article is great in it's design. The theme confused me for a second because I thought one of the brown spots was on my computer.   How does the dog carry stuff? Above or behind? Would their be a height or draw length limit on the stuff packed on these dogs? What are people carrying to require such an animal to exist??   Do you plan to keep this in your world?

4 Jul, 2019 08:19

Everything that's included in the package is posted in the sidebar, which includes the P.A.C.. You don't get the actual instructions until you make a purchased though...   The people are rich and exceedingly lazy...which is why they want/need a carrier dog.   Oh yes, I keep everything I write for my Wanted Hero world. =D

JAIME BUCKLEY
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4 Jul, 2019 01:54

That's hilarious! I like your tone, the Gremlins-style warning in the footnotes, even the disclaimer. There's one formatting note I'll mention - the only paragraph indent in the whole page is right after the picture in the Advanced Gene Splicing section. Maybe that's a BBCode artifact from the image, I don't know. The SNOBY chip sidebar is also hilarious, and the whole thing demonstrates the formatting options available in WorldAnvil to great effect. Thanks!

4 Jul, 2019 08:21

Thanks for pointing out the indent issue Orln--it has to do with the justify feature and I'm not sure what to do with it yet. So thanks for letting me know so I don't miss it.   Glad you enjoyed the article--I had a blast (and quite the obsession) writing it!   Yes, WorldAnvil is a beautiful and exciting tool and platform!!!

JAIME BUCKLEY
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4 Jul, 2019 02:25

Following up to ask some questions: Where does Mr. Bobo keep 50lbs of gear? How much for a lifetime subscription? And are all sales really final?

4 Jul, 2019 08:25

Owners are provided with a Mr. Bobo™ P.A.C.--which has both pouches and foldable surfaces to support up to 51lbs of 'stuff'...   Subscription??   Yes, I did take your question to Ms. Ashlee and she was very specific that all sales are indeed, final.

JAIME BUCKLEY
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4 Jul, 2019 02:38

It's even trademarked!? Petition to fundraise this and turn this into a corporate success! I'll take two! One for the actual purpose, the other for personal gawking at cuteness! <3<3<3<3

~ Tristan
4 Jul, 2019 08:26

Hehe, glad you enjoyed this, Tristan!!

JAIME BUCKLEY
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4 Jul, 2019 09:40

You promised me a laugh and man, you did not disappoint xD

4 Jul, 2019 09:51

I'll be playing here all month.

JAIME BUCKLEY
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17 Jul, 2019 01:49

Admittedly I'm pretty drawn to the pink houndstooth possibility!   Really loving the formatting you've done on this one. It really makes the full feeling work well. Kudos on that use of spoiler code!

17 Jul, 2019 05:26

Thanks, M.   Still haven't found my "style" yet--but with both science fiction AND fantasy in my world, I'm thinking this jumping back and forth isn't out of line.

JAIME BUCKLEY
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